The Welcoming

Avoid US Airways! This Thanksgiving my bother-in-law Dave, an engineer at Boeing, can be assured I will have another bone to pick with him. Having just flown on a 330 Airbus for about 24 hours (with stops in Phoenix, Philly, and Rome, before finally landing in Catania sans luggage), I can tell you that no one involved in the design of that plane has ever had to fly economy class on it, or use its facility, unless that engineer was a gifted 8-year old, a contortionist or a midget.

Having been to Italy 4 times in the last 2 years, I knew to pack lightly so I would not have to check a bag and then hope and wait for it to arrive sometime after I did. However, I did not anticipate the sister at the flight check-in counter might already be having a bad hair day by 5:00 a.m., and require me to check my carry-on bag anyway. I later concluded she was part of a larger conspiracy to force me to buy a $10 blanky on the plane to keep from freezing to death. I'm pretty sure the blanket consisted merely of recycled lint from the filters of laundry dryers.

When I "de-planed the aircraft" in Catania, as the flight attendants like to say just to make the process sound more civilized, I bypassed the baggage claim area and proceeded straight to the Lost & Found desk to make a claim for my bag, snickering to myself at the other naive chuckleheads waiting patiently at the baggage carousel. I filled out my claim, left them a cell number, and tracked down Luis.

Mel would not be returning from Barcelona till later, so he dispatched his roommie and line coach, Luis, to pick me up. Luis went to Mission Bay HS in San Diego (where Mel and I coach), and attended San Diego State University, before coaching in Austria. He's a stout Samoan-looking fellow who gave me a tour of the city while explaining the hazards of Sicilian roads. After he ran the 6th or 7th red light, I casually inquired about the purpose of those lights, and he confirmed that red does in fact mean stop, but informed me that as long as no one is in the crosswalk or coming in the other direction, that red lights are uniformly ignored in Sicily, as are most other laws. This somehow led to a conversation about Mel's driving habits, and a story from Luis about how Mel wrecked a car on his second day here.

Luis showed me the apartment we would share, and the 5-foot sofa bed in the living room that would be mine, explaining that the sofa bed does not actually fold out, but that if I stacked the pillows just right, I could possibly sleep across it with just my feet hanging over the edge. Having now slept on this orthopedic sofa (thanks to 48 hours of sleep deprivation and a little alcohol) I wondered how long it takes to develop scoliosis. Then I realized, I should probably be more concerned with sclerosis, if anything, because that shit can kill me.

Before any drinking and sleeping though, Luis and I met with the team president and Offensive Coordinator, Davide, to prepare for practice and discuss game strategies. We then had a team practice for about 90 minutes, during which time I worked with the receivers on some drills and new routes. (Practice was rescheduled from Saturday to Friday because Saturday is a holiday here; even though the head coach and QB were already out of town and would not be back in time for Friday's practice.) My first impression is the Elephants have a terrific organization and a fun group of guys.

After practice, Mel returned, and he and Luis took me to a great place for dinner and vino. Mel asked if I was exhausted, and I said yes, so from dinner he led us to wine bar for "happy hour," with a view of the moon shining over the sea and lava rocks. When we arrived home, my sofa/bed looked pretty good and I immediately began arranging the pillows. Mel offered to pour me a glass of wine, and I politely declined. We drank, and laughed, before calling it a night.

Duty Calls!

My coaching/wine bar buddy has summoned me to Catania, Sicily for the month of May, even though I vowed to stay home this year and focus on my job transition from lawyer to real estate mogul.

I accepted the challenge with a certain trepidation, knowing Mel has now been stranded on the rock for almost 3 months, and no manikin is safe or billboard immune from his prurient interests. How could I resist though when he offered to let me sleep on his floor for free? Also, by now my liver has at least partially recovered from the drenching in Bologna 2 years ago, and I haven't had a good pizza since.

I'll be on the practice field Saturday, May 1st, eager to assist Mel, Davide and the Elephants on their path to the 2010 Superbowl. Stay tuned...