Sicilians Conquer the Romans in Bloody Battle for the Ages

Glad tidings from Roma.

(Pregame dinner in Capo Mulini)

We left for the Catania airport at 6:00 a.m., about the time most of our players usually go to bed. Upon landing in Rome, our bus drove by ruins of Rome's ancient port at the beach area of Ostia, temporarily distracting us from our purpose for being there. With almost 6 hours to kill before game time, we released the players on their own recognizance to walk around town and eat breakfast on a beautiful sunny day. I had pizza, fried chicken, tortelloni, baked eggplant, lasagna, and a few appetizers while waiting for my food. Players who seemed less nervous ate a full meal.

(Mel found a need for speed in Ostia)

Our pregame warm up drills looked horrible. The Marines from the City of Rome (State of Lazio), looked like hungry giants, and they knew this game would make or break their playoff aspirations, despite playing in last year's superbowl. Their team, widely recognized as the most physical, trash-talking, dirty, cheap-shot sons-of-bitches in Italy, must eat steroids for breakfast, because they made our biggest linemen, Godzilla and King Kong, appear malnourished.

Prior to kickoff, Mel knew he needed to wake the sleeping the Elephants or we would soon be slaughtered. He gathered the team and said, simply, I have just two words for you: "Work hard! Do your assignment! Never give up! And let's go out there and kick their ass and win this #%&* game!"

(The Roman battlefield)

The Marines kicked off the game with an onside kick that rolled about 7 yards before Fortunato, an Italian pygmy born circa 350 BC, and affectionately known as "Lucky", after pausing 3 minutes to reflect on the situation, decided to fetch the ball in the most selfless act of heroism and stupidity I have ever witnessed. Eleven charging Marines simultaneously decapitated him and obliterated the corpse before recovering the onside kick. Less than 1 minute after their kickoff, we were down by 6, with boisterous approval from an obnoxious and raucous crowd of spectators across the field.

Our offense responded with a series of crisp passes and a few strong runs, before knotting the game at 6 on a pass from Richard to Clarence. The war had begun, and the battle seesawed until we retired for the half with a 28-27 lead.

Prior to the game, having stressed the importance of hydration, I drank perhaps more water than I should have, in retrospect. By midway in the second quarter, my bladder gave me an ultimatum which I could no longer ignore, and while our defense battled, I finally did what any self-respecting American male would have done in similar circumstances, and walked over behind our bench to wiz. Of course, all the spectators sat on the other side of the field, and I faced away from them simply hoping no one would notice or wonder, as I stood there by my lonesome in a bright red shirt for what seemed like an eternity. At that point, I suddenly recalled for the first time all day that the game was being nationally televised in Italy. Hmmn..., I could not stop midstream anyway, so I just opened the floodgate and finished as fast as I could, before returning to the sideline with a scarlet letter on my pants that would soon evaporate.

The battle continued the second half, and our offense remained determined to score every time we got the ball. Details of the game now seem sketchy to me, due to my intense concentration at the time, but I recall multiple on-side kicks and 4th and long conversions we made, with a go-for-broke attitude. Our O-line protected and our QB never missed. Unfortunately, after driving the length of the field quickly on one drive, and after David made a nice catch and run down to the goal line, he fumbled into the endzone and the Marines recovered and took the lead. At some point during the 4th quarter we trailed by 9, but no one doubted or surrendered, and with the help of a few defensive stops, including a late interception in the red zone, and the recovery of an onside kick, our offense roared back and the Elephants won 48-37.

I do not know the stats, but I'm certain Richard threw several TDs (no picks again) for several hundred yards, behind a stalwart O-line and the help of several terrific receivers, including Claudio, Yocopo, Gregorio, Peppe, Clarence and David, and some strong running by Enrico and David. Mel's depleted defense made stops when we had to have them, including a critical stop late in the 4th quarter, with an interception by one of our Sicilian backers, to seal the game. Godzilla also came through with a successful onside kick in the 4th quarter. (All of Italy refers to our team only as the "Sicilians" rather than the Catania Elephants, as if that word says it all.)

By the end of the game, everyone seemed too exhausted to even celebrate. Players and coaches exchanged hugs, and I could not even speak. The Sicilians had done something in Rome that few in the IFL believed they could accomplish.

(Receivers)

I said my goodbyes to the team, and the owner (Davide) and players I had come to love and admire in only a month's time; and wished them well in the upcoming game against the undefeated Parma Panthers, for which I would only contribute a scouting report. Mel gave me a hard time for returning home for "another graduation for Shiloh" during the week of the Parma game, just as I had done 2 years ago in Bologna. I told him to take that up with Shiloh when he returns to San Diego in about a month.

(David, Davide, me, Luis, Mel and Clarence)

I won't miss sleeping on that sagging sofa, and I have a new appreciation for American traffic laws, but I will miss the fun I had with Mel and Luis, the morning cappuccino in Capo Mulini overlooking the Ionian Sea and Mt. Etna, the camaraderie with the Italian and American players, the strategizing with Davide and Richard -- and the late-night pizzas and birre at Dietro le Mura.

Ciao tutti e buona fortuna Elephants!

Grazie,

Larry

(Claudio & Rich)

(Americanos at Fundo Bianco)

(Christian & Goose)

(Mel & his maniacs)

Valley of Temples

Yesterday, Mel, Richard and I drove from the eastern coast of Sicily on the Ionian Sea across to the southern coastal town of Agrigento on the Mediterranean Sea, to see the Valley of Temples, a series of ancient Greek Temples constructed between the 5th and 6th centuries BC. Pictures of one such temple taken BEFORE and AFTER Mel parked the car are above and below.

Richard seemed particularly enamoured with one of the sculptures, saying he finally found a beautiful woman in Italy who made him look tanned. I think his infatuation had less to do with skin tone, but he did have a point.

After dining in San Leone, we crossed Sicily again, this time to the northern coast of this triangular island, to the city of Palermo on the Tyrrhenian Sea, for the purpose of assisting a young football team, the Cardinals. Having lost an outside linebacker to injury on the last play of the game against Milan, Mel also needed to steal their best athlete and teach him how to play the position for our game this week.

3 seas in 1 day -- not bad.

A few football team pics below, including pre-game and post-game shots...

Elephants Triumph Over Rhinos 35-28

The 4-1 Elephants defeated the Rhinos from Milan 35-28 to take sole possession of second place in the 9 team IFL, trailing only the 6-0 Parma Panthers of "Playing for Pizza" fame. This week the Elephants take on the physical Marines of Lazio, in Rome, as one of several other teams still jockeying for one of the three remaining playoff spots, with only Parma having clinched a berth. If the Elephants win this week, they will make the playoffs regardless of what happens in the remaining two regular season matches against Parma and Reggio Emilia.

Though the game start time had been accelerated by 30 minutes so the Rhinos would have time to walk back to the airport from the field to catch their return flight, the requisite ambulance did not show up until so late that we almost forfeited the game, as the home team. I thought Mel would have to be sedated when the paramedics finally arrived, but he pulled through.

The Elephants scored quickly on the opening drive with a TD pass, but then Milan's star running back returned the kickoff for a TD, and the race was on. Coach Mel's defense did an excellent job of shutting down possibly the best running back in Italy (Butler), allowing only 3 offensive scores. The offense played well, led by Richard's arm and legs, and with David (from Colgate) scoring 4 TDs. The taste of this victory, which might ultimately knock Milan out of playoff contention, lingered with a sweet revenge after the same Milan-coached team bounced our Bologna Doves out of the playoff picture by just one score only 2 years ago.

As you can see, the game field at our home stadium pictured above includes real grass, unlike our practice field/softball diamond pictured here.

Later in the evening, several players and coaches celebrated downtown at the team bar, Fondo Bianco. Pictured below, from left to right, are all of the Elephant Americanos: Clarence, David, Richard, me, Mel and Luis. (I think it best for all concerned if I refrain from using any last names, as any good Sicilian would attest.)

Tomorrow, on our way across the island to assist a young team in Palermo, Mel and I will be visiting some of the largest and best-preserved ancient Greek temples outside of Greece, in the south coast city of Agrigento, constructed in the 5th and 6th centuries BC. Wish me and the temples luck!

Ciao tutti!

The Sicilian Shuffle

Let me just start by saying no one died.

After a coaches meeting with the American players at the office of our team owner, Davide, Mel drove Luis and I to practice in our new Peugeot. Luis always gives me the death seat in front, purportedly so he can stretch his legs in the back, but we all know better. The Peugeot replaced the first car Mel wrecked on a trip back from Palermo when he missed about 5 miles of detour and speed limit warnings leading to the highway barrier that wedged itself under the car.

As we passed the Carne di Cavallo shop with a slab of horse ribs displayed on the sidewalk, and Mel once again describing the taste and texture of equineburgers, I could only sigh at the ultimate fate of those majestic, lean, beasts of burden seen trotting along the streets of Sicily with a rickshaw rider in tow. I returned my eyes to my window, only to see a motorcycle with 2 riders heading straight for me, about 10 feet away. In an instant, his bike slammed into my door and his helmet busted our windshield. The girl on the back, not wearing a helmet, began screaming uncontrollably while sitting in the street. A crowd quickly gathered, and I told Mel to call Davide, while others called 911. The riders were comforted where they fell, and I watched and listened in fear of a growing Sicilian lynch mob.

It quickly became obvious that the motorcycle driver ran a stop sign and struck our vehicle, and Mel had no culpability. (Fortunately, both vehicles had been travelling slowly.) In my medical opinion, as a juris doctor, neither rider appeared to sustain any serious injuries, though paramedics did put a neck brace on each of them before fumbling them onto stretchers and carrying them away in separate ambulances about an hour later. (We passed 2 other downed bikers later in the evening, and we see 1-2 per day on average; so these riders account for a large number of jobs in the emergency services sector.)

Because Mel had been driving without a license (not sure if he just forgot his wallet or ever had a license), which would apparently nullify the rental car insurance, Davide suggested maybe someone else might have been driving when the accident occurred. So, in the presence of about a hundred eye-witnesses, Mel informed me that I had been driving and he had to leave immediately to get to practice. I looked around, and Luis had already gotten the hell out of there, leaving just me, 2 bodies in the street, a wrecked car in the intersection, and a crowd of hostiles speaking gibberish and gesturing wildly. When Davide arrived, he confirmed I had been driving and then found and reviewed the rental car contract. When he determined the car had actually been rented in the name of Gustavo ("Goose"), a young Italian linebacker on the team, he quickly called Goose to advise he hustle to the scene of the accident, as the driver of our car. (Sometimes, you just have to admire Sicilian ways.) Happy to be off the hook, I informed Davide I must be on my way to practice, and left him there to address the police when they arrived. Hopefully, his newly designated driver would be there as well. (None of the bystanders seemed bothered in the least that all 3 people who were in the car had fled the scene.)

The good news is that we had a great practice (except for Goose and Davide), which is important because Milan has a solid team. Afterwards we walked back down the street in time to see the polizia wish Davide and Goose a pleasant evening. Mel and I then rode in the back of the car (the front passenger door no longer operable), and Luis drove us to get a kebab for dinner before seeking medicinal treatment at a new wine bar. Today, we will get a third car, if anyone will sign the rental contract...

Exhibit "A": Last Sunday the Elephants had a pool barbecue at Christian's house after our game was cancelled. Christian plays outside linebacker at about 5'9' 170 pounds, and leads the IFL in tackles. Unfortunately, he doesn't speak a word of English, and yet Mel yells at him every practice screaming, "Why the #*&% do I have to tell you everything at least 8 *#&%* times!?"

Yes, the pool water is green.

American players David on the left and Richard on the right, with Luis nursing a cold one and Mel eying Richard's.

Volcanic Disruption

The coaches enjoyed a delicious pre-game dinner Saturday evening at Sotto il Convento, an indescribably cool subterranean wine bar restaurant and former convent. Practice Saturday afternoon went well, and everyone seemed anxious and ready for the long-awaited showdown between the #1 passing offense of the Catania Elephants and the #1 running offense of the Reggio Emilio Hogs on Sunday.

We arrived at the airport Sunday morning without incident (Luis drove). Upon checking the status of our flight at the terminal, the monitor read "cancellato" which we could only hope translated as "on-time." Unfortunately, all flights in Italy north of Rome (e.g., Bologna and Milan) had been cancelled due to the volcano (in Iceland, not Catania). No game. Extremely disappointing to all coaches and players, and probably even a few fans...

This coming week we hope to play another top team, the Milano Rhinos, coming off their 35-0 shutout of the Ancona Dolphins yesterday. The volcanic sea sculptures pictured here, known as Cyclops Rocks, are situated near the fishing village adjacent to ours, known as Acitrezza. According to Homer’s epic, The Odyssey, this is where the cyclops Polyphemus threw rocks at Odysseus from his home on Mt. Etna in retaliation for being blinded by the mythic Greek hero.

That's all the volcanic activity for now.

Taormina

My amateur photography and crackerjack camera do injustice to the turquoise sea below the small cliff town of Taormina, founded in 304 BC. From here, I could probably swim to the toe of Italy, with a favorable current, some water wings, sunscreen, an inner tube of refreshments, and unlimited time. Another day though...

In the first century AD, with the promise of increased tourism revenues and downtown redevelopment, the Romans modified the theatre previously carved into the Taormina hillside by the Greeks, by removing seats to form a more circular arena for gladiator games. (The resulting venue still seats more spectators than Catania's football stadium, and has better turf.)

The below photo of the theatre includes the snow-capped Mt. Etna volcano in the background, and an ancient castle (tiny upper-right), perched on a rock about 1,500 feet above the sea. (Forgetting your wallet would really suck!)

This Sunday, the Elephants of Catania travel to northern Italy for a gladiator duel with the Hogs of Reggio Emilia. Hold on to your toga!

Going to Hell with Mel

Monday we practiced on a dirt softball field. Mel drove to the field and only hit one pedestrian wheeling a large piece of furniture across the street. I think he got more wood than flesh with the car but he didn't slow down to investigate. I can't interpret Italian sign language from a side-view mirror, but I'm pretty sure the guy waved and shouted he was fine.

Not a blade of grass on the practice field, but a smattering of weeds thrive in the outfield. A layer of dirt coated our clothes, shoes, teeth and lungs by the end of practice, so we caravanned with our QB's family to the favorite pizzeria to rinse with cold birre.

No practice Tuesday so Mel and Luis showed me around Catania. Luis and I entered the San Agata Duomo a safe distance from Mel to observe the masterful paintings and architecture of this jumbo-church. When Mel whispered he might be the answer to the prayers of a beautiful young woman kneeling reverently in front of the altar, I suggested God probably had other plans for him.

The dry air in the Duomo parched our throats so we proceeded to the team bar to share our observations, feelings, hopes and dreams, and Mel's new political party affiliation. Notice the picture of the Pope above the bar, smiling in approval.

After returning home for the evening, we basked in the exhilaration of another glorious day in Catania, sipping a variety of fine Italian wines until about 4:00 a.m., when I suddenly and unexplainably fell backwards out of my chair -- most likely as a result of a defective chair and an over-waxed floor our landlord will hear about when my Sicilian lawyer calls. I must have suffered a severe concussion from the fall because I woke this morning with a pounding headache.

When Mel finally made it downstairs late this morning, presumably after polishing his game plan, he seemed a bit tired and sluggish at first. Then, he looked up from the table with a big smile and said, "Hey, today is Cinco de Mayo!"

Catania and Capo Mulini

Sicily's second largest city, Catania (ancient Greek settlement of Katane'), is located on the east side of the island, just below the toe of the boot. The city was founded founded by the Calcidesi people in 729 B.C., and subsequently conquered by invaders (Greeks, Carthaginians, Romans, Byzantines, Arabs, Normans, Spaniards, Italians, and the Allied Forces) and destroyed by natural catastrophes many times over the following centuries. Mt. Etna dominates this side of the island as Europe's largest volcano at a height of almost 11,000 feet. Etna remains one of the world's most active volcanoes, and the rich volcanic soil enables farmers to produce terrific wines and fruits. A massive eruption in 693 BC destroyed ancient Catania, and the most recent major eruption occurred only a few years ago in 2002. The city has been buried by lava 7 times in recorded history. Earthquakes have also taken a toll on the region, such that the Baroque-style city seen today was mostly constructed after a massive earthquake in 1693, utilizing the local black lava stone.

A few of the more important monuments include the Piazza Duomo with a 1736 Elephant Fountain (below), the St. Agata Duomo (above), and a 12th century Norman castle, Aci Castello, perched atop a black promontory, jutting out over the sea. (Catania's elephant connection includes the presence of dwarf elephants from the Upper Paleolithic, as well as some mythology.)

We live in Capo Mulini, a small fishing village north of Catania. Coaches Mel and Luis already seem to be well known and liked by the local establishments. The rocky coastline pictured above is just across the street and down a shady footpath from our spacious apartment.

OK, I know I promised "stupidly amusing" but I thought I would just get this out of the way for any friend who might be interested in some history and geography, or who might later be called upon for a search and rescue operation. Yes, I know that's a short list of people...

Ionian Sea from Capo Mulini where we live

The Welcoming

Avoid US Airways! This Thanksgiving my bother-in-law Dave, an engineer at Boeing, can be assured I will have another bone to pick with him. Having just flown on a 330 Airbus for about 24 hours (with stops in Phoenix, Philly, and Rome, before finally landing in Catania sans luggage), I can tell you that no one involved in the design of that plane has ever had to fly economy class on it, or use its facility, unless that engineer was a gifted 8-year old, a contortionist or a midget.

Having been to Italy 4 times in the last 2 years, I knew to pack lightly so I would not have to check a bag and then hope and wait for it to arrive sometime after I did. However, I did not anticipate the sister at the flight check-in counter might already be having a bad hair day by 5:00 a.m., and require me to check my carry-on bag anyway. I later concluded she was part of a larger conspiracy to force me to buy a $10 blanky on the plane to keep from freezing to death. I'm pretty sure the blanket consisted merely of recycled lint from the filters of laundry dryers.

When I "de-planed the aircraft" in Catania, as the flight attendants like to say just to make the process sound more civilized, I bypassed the baggage claim area and proceeded straight to the Lost & Found desk to make a claim for my bag, snickering to myself at the other naive chuckleheads waiting patiently at the baggage carousel. I filled out my claim, left them a cell number, and tracked down Luis.

Mel would not be returning from Barcelona till later, so he dispatched his roommie and line coach, Luis, to pick me up. Luis went to Mission Bay HS in San Diego (where Mel and I coach), and attended San Diego State University, before coaching in Austria. He's a stout Samoan-looking fellow who gave me a tour of the city while explaining the hazards of Sicilian roads. After he ran the 6th or 7th red light, I casually inquired about the purpose of those lights, and he confirmed that red does in fact mean stop, but informed me that as long as no one is in the crosswalk or coming in the other direction, that red lights are uniformly ignored in Sicily, as are most other laws. This somehow led to a conversation about Mel's driving habits, and a story from Luis about how Mel wrecked a car on his second day here.

Luis showed me the apartment we would share, and the 5-foot sofa bed in the living room that would be mine, explaining that the sofa bed does not actually fold out, but that if I stacked the pillows just right, I could possibly sleep across it with just my feet hanging over the edge. Having now slept on this orthopedic sofa (thanks to 48 hours of sleep deprivation and a little alcohol) I wondered how long it takes to develop scoliosis. Then I realized, I should probably be more concerned with sclerosis, if anything, because that shit can kill me.

Before any drinking and sleeping though, Luis and I met with the team president and Offensive Coordinator, Davide, to prepare for practice and discuss game strategies. We then had a team practice for about 90 minutes, during which time I worked with the receivers on some drills and new routes. (Practice was rescheduled from Saturday to Friday because Saturday is a holiday here; even though the head coach and QB were already out of town and would not be back in time for Friday's practice.) My first impression is the Elephants have a terrific organization and a fun group of guys.

After practice, Mel returned, and he and Luis took me to a great place for dinner and vino. Mel asked if I was exhausted, and I said yes, so from dinner he led us to wine bar for "happy hour," with a view of the moon shining over the sea and lava rocks. When we arrived home, my sofa/bed looked pretty good and I immediately began arranging the pillows. Mel offered to pour me a glass of wine, and I politely declined. We drank, and laughed, before calling it a night.

Duty Calls!

My coaching/wine bar buddy has summoned me to Catania, Sicily for the month of May, even though I vowed to stay home this year and focus on my job transition from lawyer to real estate mogul.

I accepted the challenge with a certain trepidation, knowing Mel has now been stranded on the rock for almost 3 months, and no manikin is safe or billboard immune from his prurient interests. How could I resist though when he offered to let me sleep on his floor for free? Also, by now my liver has at least partially recovered from the drenching in Bologna 2 years ago, and I haven't had a good pizza since.

I'll be on the practice field Saturday, May 1st, eager to assist Mel, Davide and the Elephants on their path to the 2010 Superbowl. Stay tuned...